There are a lot of things saying about what submission is. The most important for everyone though, is to know what a submissive is not and these are the following.
- Submission is not only accepting
Submission is not agreeing on everything, for instance the Christian faith. For example, if the husband belongs to another god, and she’s called to live with him, there is no need to be forced to accept his religious thought. Do not get divorced over issues of religion.
If he says, “I don’t want you to be a Christian,” what does she say? She says, “I love you. I want to be submissive to you. I plan to be submissive to you. But on this point, I have no choice. I belong to Jesus.” He may send her away.
Submission does not mean you must agree with the thoughts of your husbands, even on things as important and serious as the Christian faith. God has made you with a mind. You have to think. You are a person, not a body and not a machine. You’re a thinking being who is able to process whether the gospel is true. And if it’s true, you believe it. If he says, “You can’t believe that,” you humbly and submissively do not submit to that.
- Submission does not mean leaving your brain at the altar.
Now, maybe this is the same point, but it needs to be said this way, too. Any man who says, “I do the thinking in this family,” is sick and has a sick view of his authority. I dealt with a couple one time. The wife said he demanded that she get permission to go to the bathroom. That really happened. I just looked at him and said, “You’re not well. You have an extraordinarily distorted view of this fellow heir of the grace of life. You don’t understand the Bible. You have really serious issues’’.
Submission never leaves the brain at the altar. Being a master, does not mean you are a bad listener. Being a leader doesn’t even mean always getting the last word. Good leadership often says, “You were right; I was wrong.”
Leadership is taking initiative. Sometimes I say, “Who says, ‘Let’s . . . ,’” more often in your relationship?
“Let’s go out to eat.”
“Let’s try to get our finances in order.”
“Let’s get to church on time next Sunday.”
Who says it most often? If the woman is the one who leads at this argument then it’s the man’s issue. If it’s the guy, she’s probably happy because she doesn’t want to be the one to say “let’s” over and over again. Wives don’t want to say “let’s” most often. In general — I know I’m generalizing — leadership means a bent toward initiative under which women thrive. Not dictation, never listening. Not even having the last word.
If you asked my wife, “What does submission look like?” one thing she would say is, “We settled the principle early that if we can’t agree, Jack’s going to make the call.” That’s really basic. And it almost never happens. One of the reasons it almost never happens is that we’ve been together a long time, and we know what each other thinks.
- Submission does not mean you do not try to influence your husband.
Submission does not mean avoiding the effort to influence or change the husband. The whole point of the text is, “Win him.” Her life is devoted to changing this man from an unbeliever to a believer. Can you imagine if somebody said submission means, “Stop trying to change your husband”? Well, I get what they might be saying. But if your husband is living through situations that are described as harmful, the only and vital thing you can do is trying to change his point of you. That makes you a great loving person.
- Submission is not putting the will of the husband before the will of Christ.
Submission is not putting the will of the husband before the will of Christ. Christ is her Lord now, and for the Lord’s sake, she will submit to the husband, but he is not her Lord. However, if she has to pick among her husband and her faith, she is going pick her faith to God, that’s for sure. If her man decided that they should try different things, such as a threesome, then her answer is as simple as clear.’’ I go with Jesus on this’’. She would say it not with a haughty or arrogant approach, but rather with a winsome, submissive, longing one.
- Submission does not mean getting all of her spiritual strength through her husband.
Submission does not mean getting all of her spiritual strength through her husband. He’s not sharing with her any mental power and she’s got lots of it. So the only way for her is Jesus.
- Submission does not include a life full of fear
This God-fearing wife is fearless.
I love the Scriptures. I’m a complementarian. I believe that men are called to a exclusive kind of leadership in marriage. I also think that women are sub in a house, with their husband. I also believe that the way those forms fulfill one to the other, is so great and wonderful. If we accept all the things that they were saying in the past, but with the nowadays way of look, then we are going to live in a happy marriage. Submission is the defined calling of a wife to honor her man’s power. Do not forget to love your man like you love Jesus and to love Jesus like you love your man.